Uncle Bernie's Farm lyrics

I'm dreaming . . . (Oh no-o-o!)

There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up

A bomb for your daddy too (ouch.)

A baby doll that burps & pees

A case of airplane glue

A hungry plastic troll

To scarf yo buddy's arm

A box of ugly plastic things marked:

Uncle Bernie's Farm!

There's a little plastic congress

There's a nation you can buy (I'll take two.)

There's a doll that looks like mommy

She'll do anything but cry (I seen her.)

There's a doll that looks like daddy

He's a funny little man

Push a button & ask for money

There's a dollar in his hand (check his wallet.)

We gotta send Santa Claus back to the Rescue Mission

Christmas don't make it no more

Don't you know that murder & destruction

Scream the toys in every store (think this'll sell in New York?)

There's a man who runs the country

There's a man who tried to think

And they're all made out of plastic

When they melt they start to stink

There's a book with smiling children

Nearly dead with Christmas joys!

And smiling in his office

Is the creep who makes the toys . . .

[FZ:] We got this car: when it hits the wall you see the guy dying . . . got the little plastic puddles of blood . . . by the car

I'M DREAMING . . .

[Ray:] He has intestines . . . he has plastic intestines you can

stuff back into his stomach . . .

[FZ:] There's this other thing, I've got bombs. I've got rockets, I've got a . . . I've got a stilson wrench & plastic brass knuckles . . .

[Ray:] And it comes with a tape recorder with sound effects . . .

[FZ:] We got a '39 Chevy . . .

• Artist:Frank Zappa
• Album:Absolutely Free (1967)