The Auditels Family [English translation]

I live in a freemason family that Gelli's P2 1 in comparison, seem more like Azione Cattolica 2, a diabolic cult that laconically decides on everything that is set on the cathodic sphere 3, an unusual following 4 that keeps in a cavern the Sacred Share 5 that gives aeternal broadcast, ghosts that haunt a hovel waiting for a TV Channel executive director dressed as a priest to sprinkle its back 6. We decide who is aired and who goes to Hell 7, presenters invoke us, with their hands on the table call "Spirit, if you're here, knock once". As if! Do you want to talk with us? Well, for now get 8 your great-great grandfather.

You're sad, you want to take a picture of us like tourists [would], unveil us like Agatha Christie [would], but nobody has ever seen us. Believe it, we're evil and satanic spirits, we take Ratings down to raise our glasses. And when it's dark outside, we all sing along:

Ref: Tandighitan-Tandighitè,

we are the Auditel families 9

Tandighitè-Tandighitan,

It's us that keep the Share.

We're spirits in the darkness,

Tandighitè-Tandighitan,

we'll reward with advertisement trash TV programmes and not quality ones.

That's right, we're the auditels and, by using a meter, we complete a term of office for whom we're indicated like comets in Bethlehem. For Leten 10 telesales, Requiem for the viewer and if the tv series sucks, he also gets its sequel. Staring at a tv channel might be humiliating for Boris Becker 11, not for us, hidden like the Nanni Loy's mirror 12 but famous like Leroy [Johnson] 13, heroes like Brad Pitt in Troy, we, who fill the graves more than hindsights. 14 We have a plan with a cardinal point: changing shopping tips into orders, burying quality programmes because everybody knows that intelligent users don't love advertisemememements. There'll be few innovations anyway, we'll vote them by mistake and we get blocked with garlic, they'll disappear like after order of the Ubimaior Sciuscià, Il Fatto, Satyricon e Raiot. 15. No controversies will be raised.

Ref.

You don't vote parliamental elections, but you complain if situations are critical, yet you televote for f**king Celebrity Survivor 16, certain of having exercised your rights. You follow carabinieri in many comedywriter-like tv series 17 , if a carabiniere pulls you out, you ask him for a signature. You adhere to football supporters' cause, in TV there's more football than in a therapy for osteoporosis 18. You have tons of problems but you entrust them to astrologists, you mind other people's business 19 like andrologists [do] and we, who have perfect operators for a hundred laws, transform you into corpses for cubical sarcophagi. Do you want to fuck with us? Just try it, the path is narrow, we're not second to CIA, nor KGB, nor even Confindustria 20. Do the right thing, grab a whip and descend the Gehenna and get challenged by Saint Antenna's Templar, which will fleece you with a jingle.

1. A masonic lodge operating in Italy from 1945 to 1976. Its Master was Licio Gelli, a financier. 2. an Italian Catholic lay association 3. on everything that is aired on TV 4. wordplay: "accolita" is a disparaging word to define a group of people, but "accolito" is "acolyte". 5. Audience share 6. to benedict with holy water its butt, basically 7. meant as "who goes f**k themselves"8. meant in a very offensive way, as in "in your face"9. anonymous families taken as sample for Audience measurement methods 10. cheap sex products brand, I think 11. tennis player. "Fissare una rete", can be translated literally as a "staring at a net". 12. Nanni Loy's "Secret Mirror" was a candid camera-like tv programme airing in the 60s. 13. character from "Fame" 14. I think he means something like "we kill careers better than time", but I'm not sure. 15. not sure about the translation of this, but "ubimaior" references latin "ubi maior, minor cessat" (where the bigger/stronger prevails, the smaller/weaker dies). In this case, the strong one would be Berlusconi, since he purged many tv programmes (Sciuscià, Il fatto, Satyricon and Raoit) while he was Prime Minister because they contested him and its government. 16. "... d'Egitto" means something stupid and senseless. 17. "Fiction"s in Italian are TV series made by tv networks known for being trashy and unvoluntarily hilarious. 18. "calcio" is both "football" both "calcium". 19. in italian, it translates to "you do other people's d**ks" 20. Italian employers' federation and national chamber of commerce

• Artist:Caparezza
• Album:Habemus Capa