Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare lyrics

William Shakespeare:

Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes!

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades,

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard! My rhymes are classic!

Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid!

Ye hoebag. You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag,

And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad!

And to top it off, you're not a doctor.

I've never seen a softer author!

You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!

The Cat in the Hat:

I would not, could not, on a boat

Read any of the boring-ass plays you wrote!

Even Horton doesn't want to hear you,

And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!

You bore people to death!

You leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!

I entertain a child of any age!

You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!

How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?

Little kids get scared when I step on the mat!

You think your ruffled-neck ass gonna rap to that?

I got a best-selling book about me coming back!

William Shakespeare:

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.

You're pathetically predictable.

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter

And some ghetto Muppet creatures.

The Bard is in the building. It's a castle, I'm a boss!

I bet I'm Parliament. I'm positive I'm killing it.

I'm iller than the plague. I've never caught or cholera,

A baller baller, on some cricket bowler business

While you're sitting in the bleachers!

The Cat in the Hat:

You rap fast, you do. Yes, you rap fast, it's true.

Now, let's see how you rap versus Things 1 and 2!

Things 1 & 2:

Oh, no, we'll smash your globe!

Yo, you may have wrote the script, but now we running the show!

You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama!

Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas!

Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs!

We'll break offa your legs! Make no mistake, we in a rage!

All does not end well when we bust out our cage!

You getting upstaged, Bill. Yo, you just got played!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Season 1 (2011)