Adam vs Eve lyrics

[Verse 1: Eve]

This battle's gonna end like every argument does

with you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub

I made a map, motherfucker, and I'm reading it, too

gives me specific directions how to fuck with you

I know that you like to think you're so macho

But you smell like ball sacs and nachos

I work while you and your boyfriend Steve

Drink and play sports in a fantasy league

You're as sharp as a stick that I rub on my lips

So go ahead, take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss

Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list

If you'd stop fucking up, I wouldn't have to get pissed

[Verse 2: Adam]

My life was fine 'til you had to come aloung and wreck it

Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?

You cry about everything but can't decide what you want

"I'm hungry." "I'm fat." "I'm cold." "I'm hot."

You call it complex, but, yo, I'd call you a mess

You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed

You got a lotion for this, you got a cream for that

Got any perfume that smells like "get the fuck off my back"?

When things are good, they're great and it's like I'm dreaming

Until your junk starts bleeding and you turn to a demon

It ain't Summer Eve, don't try to play me like a douche

You wanna bite on my fruit, well, you can swallow the truth

[Verse 3: Eve]

Don't even bring up swallow

The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow

One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel

Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle

You want alone time? Have it. In fact

Suck your own dick and shave your own back

That apple's the best thing I bit so far

Now I see how much of a dick you are

[Verse 4: Adam]

I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips?

I was just thinking, yo, did I give up a rib for this?

Woman, I just don't know what your problem is

All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Epic Rap Battles of History Season 2