Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted lyrics

[Lewis & Clark]

You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark

'Cause we cut a path through MCs like a walk in the park

Then give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts

Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked!

We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace

And we'll own you on the mic like the Louisiana Purchase!

You're worthless!

Your future selves shoulda told you that!

Now go back in time and give Doctor Who his phone booth back!

We discovered bears and beavers and prairie dogs and weasels

Rattlesnakes and catfish, owls, larks and eagles

And plus flora galore!

And according to our observations

These two dickweeds right here are severely endangered!

We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far

You inspired air guitar and "Dude, Where's My Car?"

We conquered much greater dangers in our trek through Mother Nature

So step off!

But tell Bill's stepmom: "Don't be a stranger!"

[Bill & Ted]

Bill's mom is hot, but that joke was most heinous

I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus!

That's my stepmom, Ted! Let's keep it excellent between us

And show these Boy Scouts how it goes in San Dimas!

We're quick when we spit like Billy the Kid with his guns

And you'll be verbally kicked in the nut-Sacagawea puns!

A teen mom carried you and your troops?

They should have let the baby lead and put you in the papoose!

And if those native dudes knew what white dudes were gonna do

They woulda stopped you in Dakota!

They should totally Sioux!

Why don't you go back to exploring Napoleon's old swamps?

Or you'll discover your Corps most triumphantly stomped!

[Lewis & Clark]

Did you hear that, Meriwether?

I think they mean to brawl!

I'll take Neo.

I'll take the one that no one knows at all!

From the falls of Black Eagle to the Pacific

We put the 'dis' in dysentery 'cause we spit sick

Without Rufus, you'd be useless on the trails we blazed

You couldn't navigate your way out of a Circle K!

Send over Garth and Wayne because you turkeys aren't worthy

Suffering your raps is a most Bogus Journey!

[Bill & Ted]

Man, they totally burned us

I feel like such a doofus

What do we do?

I don't know

[Rufus]

Be excellent!

[Bill & Ted]

Rufus!

He's right, dude! We don't have to take this kind of abuse

From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!

You rode a river one direction, we travel four dimensions

Rescue bodacious babes, and get back for detention

I've seen your future, Mr. Lewis, and I don't want to be rude

But spoiler alert: you totally kill yourself, dude!

So we offer you peace with these resplendent medallions

And we claim this battle for the Wyld Stallyns!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Season 4