‘Parties, Sexual Exploration, Doubts and Depression’: ‘I’m Not Everything I Want to Be’ Portrays the ‘Nan Goldin of Czechoslovakia’

Photographer Libue Jarcovjkov no stranger to Pragues nightlife in the 1970s and 80s, as depicted in upcoming documentary Im Not Everything I Want to Be has already earned comparisons to a certain American icon.

Libue had this big exhibition in France in 2019 and on the radio they said: She is like Nan Goldin of Czechoslovakia, says producer Luk Koke. Klra Tasovsk directs.

Recently, Goldin has been the subject of Laura Poitras Oscar-nominated All the Beauty and the Bloodshed.

The very first time we pitched this project, our tutor, Navalnys editor Maya Daisy Hawke, said: Thats funny. My husband [Joe Bini] is actually editing a film about Goldin next door, laughs Koke.

In order to be authentic, Goldin would go to live with sex workers or addicts. Libue did the same thing. Her most unique series of photographs comes from this LGBTQ+ club in Prague. Thats when she discovered sexual relationships with women.

In an unfree regime, she sought islands of freedom: gay clubs, night shifts in factories, pubs, Vietnamese hostels. Places where people, from her point of view, lived without inhibitions. She wanted to belong to them and to feel alive, adds Tasovsk.

Im Not Everything I Want to Be Courtesy of Somatic Films The intimacy of these photographs stems from the fact that she photographed what she lived. Parties, sexual exploration, doubts and depression.

Jarcovjkovs unconventional take on communist Czechoslovakia, as well as Tasovsks commitment to compose the film entirely out of her photos, impressed the jury at Karlovy Vary, resulting in the project receiving the Works in Progress Post-Production Development Award.

Somatic Films (Czech Republic), Nutprodukcia (Slovakia) and Mischief Films (Austria) are producing.

There are no talking heads here, no experts, says Koke.

Klra had access to all the photos Libue has ever taken and to the diaries she has been writing since she was 17. You can really look through her eyes and be inside of her head.

We almost forget we are looking at motionless photographs, she adds.

Still, I had no idea how challenging this whole process would be. Making a film from photos is just as complex and time-consuming as making an animation.

Now in her 70s, Jarcovjkov entrusted the director with complete freedom, says Tasovsk, allowing her to deliver a highly universal and contemporary story of female emancipation.

Libue refused to have children, to adapt to social norms. She has been living with a female partner for the last 30 years. Its about finding your identity and finding freedom, but also about living according to your own ideas, notes Koke.

Im Not Everything I Want to Be Courtesy of Somatic Films This conscious decision by a woman not to be a mother, not to want children, often evokes a peculiar astonishment. Even in a liberal society. But where does this notion even come from? Libue speaks openly about these questions, adds Tasovsk.

Stressing that nothing was off the table when making the film, including the mentions of Jarcovjkovs abortions, one of which almost cost her her life.

These are universal themes that still hold relevance today. Especially when we look at the tendencies to encroach upon womens rights in Poland or in the U.S.

Its one of the reasons why, despite its period setting, the team believes in the relatability and timeliness of their film.

Libue is a role model. Not only for me, but potentially for everyone, says Tasovsk.

She is 71 years old now and yet she still hasnt been properly discovered. Its not unusual, as the history of photography has been dominated by men, says Koke.

We are talking about a local photographer, but we are also asking questions everyone can understand: How can you break through as a female artist in a male-dominated field? How do you accept your otherness? How do you develop a good relationship with your body, even though according to some standards its not considered classically beautiful?

He adds: It was obvious to us that instead of it being some boring documentary, this film should have a timeless touch. After all, Libue started taking selfies long before it was cool.