X-Mass Rap lyrics

Wow, a set of drums

Dig this!

'Twas the night before Christmas

We were rockin' the house

But instead of stuffin' stockings

I went out and about

With a string of blinking lights

On my steering wheel

I went screamin' to the mall

To see what was the deal

The mall was really crawling

Like a dog full of fleas

With a punk in every store

Pushin' Xmas trees

They had plastic pines

That would blow your mind

But the real live kind

Was impossible to find

Well, there were babies cryin'

On Santa's lap

And parents yelling:

"Shut your trap!"

I heard Muzak 

Mutilating Christmas songs

So instead I started rappin'

And clappin' along

I said yo ho

Yo ho ho

Xmas is here

Only once a year

But the hustle and the bustle

Make the fun disappear

I saw a mile-long line

At the bank machine

People bitchin' and a-moanin'

And gettin' real mean

And they're pilin' up their boxes

And their shopping bags

With fruitcakes and neckties

And other big drags

I saw toys that would break

And shirts that would shrink

And the suckers bought it all

And took the kitchen sink

They use their layaway-away

To convince you to stay

So you'll be payin' all their bills

Until your dyin' day

Saying yo ho

Yo ho ho

Xmas is here

Only once a year

But the hustle and the bustle

Make the fun disappear  

What you give

What you gets

Dinner with relatives you never met

They're gonna turn my brains

To candy canes

One more jingle bell, I'll go insane

I was gettin' disillusioned

On my way to the bar

When a red blur flew 

Right over my car

It looked like a fat guy

In a sleigh

And you could hear his rap

From miles away

Saying yo ho

Yo ho ho

Merry Christmas to all

And to all a good night

Ho ho ho

Oh, no

Not another itchy sweater

Why didn't someone get me G.I. Joe?

[?]

Yo ho

Yo ho ho

Yo ho

No one ever gives me money

Yo ho

Yo ho ho

Yo ho

Oh, man, I wanted a nuclear weapon

Yo ho

• Artist:Big Mouth
• Album:Quite Not Right (1988)