Insane

[Verse 1]

I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah, fucked in the head

My stepfather said that I sucked in the bed

'Til one night he snuck in and said

"We're going out back, I want my dick sucked in the shed"

Can't we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead?

"After I fuck you in the butt, get some head

Bust a nut, get some rest," the next day my mother said

"I don't know what the fuck's up with this kid

The bastard won't even eat nothing he's fed

He just hung himself in the bedroom, he's dead"

"Debbie, don't let that fucker get you upset

Go in there, stick a fuckin' cigarette to his neck

I'll bet you he's fakin' it, I'll bet you, I bet

He probably just wants to see how upset you would get

I'll go handle this, of course unless you object"

"Aw, go fuck his brains out if any's left in his head"

[Chorus]

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

[Verse 2]

"Did you get him?" Naw, fucker tried to bite my face off

I just got fuckin' chased off with a chainsaw

Then he took the chainsaw, bit the fuckin' blades off

Ate the blades, stuck a baseball in a slingshot

Then he aimed at his own face, let the thing pop

Took his eye out, picked it up and played ping pong

Then he played ping pong with his own ding-dong

That motherfucker's got nuts like King Kong

Then he set the lawnmower out on the dang lawn

And he laid all up underneath it with the thing on

Then he took his pants, he took every fuckin' thing off

Everything except his tank top and his training bra

Ain't he raw? Yeah, maniac, that's Shady, dawg

Man that motherfucker's gangsta, ain't he dawg?

Shady, dawg, what be goin' through that fuckin' brain of yours?

Say no more, what the fuck you waitin' for? Sing along

[Chorus]

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

[Verse 3]

Don't you know what felch means? ("Yeah") Well then, tell me

Would you rather get felched or do the felching?

Fuck 'em in the ass, suck the cum out while you're belching

Burp, belch, and go back for a second helping

Can you dig what I'm saying, man? Can you smell me?

I want you to feel me like my stepfather felt me (Oh...)

Fuck a little puppy, kick the puppy while he's yelping

"Shady, what the fuck you saying?" I don't know, help me!

What the fuck's happening? I think I'm fuckin' melting

"Marshall, I just love you, boy, I care about your well-being"

No, Dad, I said no — I don't need no help peeing

I'm a big boy, I can do it by myself, see?

I only get naked when the babysitter tells me

She showed me a movie like Nightmare on Elm Street

But it was X and they called it "Pubic Hair on Chelsea"

"Well, this is called 'Ass Rape' and we're shooting the jail scene"

[Chorus]

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

If you could count the skeletons in my closet

Under my bed and up under my faucet

Then you would know I've completely lost it

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

• Artist:Eminem
• Album:Relapse (2009)