Армия [Armiya] [English translation]

So anyway, here's the deal, I get the letter (1)

saying time to serve the army, you're not a kid anymore,

I'm cool of course, but now there's shit,

The choices are: either the army or 7 years in the joint,

There's a party in the army office, I visit the doctors

60kg and the dose adds another 2 grams

ears, throat, nose, vision,

surgeon, height, mental check, blood pressure

The commmisar stamps the document, everything's according to the rules. I'm the ideal candidate to serve the army,

Skinny losers with their worried mommies walking in the halls, but Noggano is still cool, what's the fucking point in worry?

Fuck, at home there's a party, finally, thank God,

We''ll live in peace for 2 whole years

The send-off party is truly traditional,

A sea of booze, plus nature's herbs,

in short, party Russian style,

drank, smoked, then listened to slow songs,

broke arms, kicked in the face,

Fucked up morning - hangover in the police station

Train station, platform, train carriage, the sound of wheels,

on the lower bunk some drunk scared kid is snoring,

someone is singing chanson quietly,

I'm scratching my naked head, remembering my hair (2)

I'm not stressed, I can deal with anything

So I serve Russia!

It's not my fault, you asked me yourself,

So I serve Russia!

I'm against the pigs and other homosexuals

So I serve Russia!

Red, white, blue, (3)

no matter my state, I'm ready to serve Russia!

In a state of a serious hangover

The officers, bastards, decided to have a line-up

2 hours of a balls-knocking ride in cars

Around me the newbies of unclear persuasions

Finally at the base, a line-up again,

"Line-up, stand still, stand in line!"

The fatso colonel breathed in some oxygen and

Brainwashed the guys with vague, patriotic bullshit

I'll fast-forward - nothing interesting

The oath, a beating - everyone knows this shit,

I got lucky, got assigned to the supply part,

I wised up quickly, "here I'll set up some traffic"

The smart fella can get through anything,

Tar may be tar, but I'd rather traffic honey (4)

2 old-timers were quickly found

Birds of a feather in the illegal business

First, set up a barter with diesel

On that money, had a fucking hard party,

then sold butter from the food supply,

Cut a deal with Leutenant Kudasov

Behind the fence we had a long reach,

Anything you want, brother, in 5 seconds.

On the horizon appeared some good heroin,

Business picked up,

Yes, sir!

The whole batallion immediately got on the slow stuff

We flooded the veins with Afghan broth

The doses rose, the stolen stuff too,

Our batallion is dosing-up during the line-up

Everything's used when the army does it,

food, matrasses, uniforms,

Everyone's on the needle, some on the heavy doses

The green guys on the light doses, the old guys in comas

Captain Sunin had an overdose out of greed,

We revived him - we still need that idiot

Leutenant Vanin didn't agree to be part of the company,

Threatened us, tried to scare us,

But we knew of his secret desires,

The Leutenant was a serious homosexual,

Formed a little gay club with the weaklings

And they went to fuck in the ass in the forest

So, with the help of a camera,

We conducted a bit of blackmail,

The Leutenant gave us the stamps and blank forms

And we lived so well, as we hadn't even back home

Everything that was lying, hanging, standing,

Was eaten, drunk, used,

whitened, burned, painted, moved,

by us, with no guilt, into trafficking business of first-class hard heroin

Our kiosk working hard

Mommy came to visit - didn't recognize her little boy

He'd lost 20 kgs, sticking in a needle, drooling

I'm not stressed, I can deal with anything

So I serve Russia!

It's not my fault, you asked me yourself,

So I serve Russia!

I'm against the pigs and other homosexuals

So I serve Russia!

Red, white, blue, (3)

no matter my state, I'm ready to serve Russia!

Although to tell the truth, when the inspection with General Dudko came around

We were a little embarrassed to say the least

Looking into his confused piggy eyes

- Where's the Colonel, bastards?! I'll have you all on trial!

I forgot to mention, that the Colonel was lying in the hospital

At the last stage of cirrhosis

He'd left half on Captain Sunin,

Who was now standing in front of the General, looking down,

Completely drunk, dosing-up, boldly gives out:

"General, everything's fine!

Me? Vanin's responsible for the government property."

Vanin, understanding the whole nightmarish situation,

Stands shaking, hoping to weasel out,

Cursing himself,

The army, us and having dealt with us

But the cherry was the General's Volga (5)

Which was given to the dealer Lyola as a debt payment

The general took a while to revive

But we killed him with our phrase:

"Happiness doesn't lie in Volgas"

So anyway, there was a tribunal, heads rolled,

Leutenant to the joint, Colonel was fired,

Capitan voluntarily left the army,

And me and the guys to Tajikistan on border patrol

You see, Zhora, here there's real potential for business,

So I won't be back home for a while,

I'll stay here to serve the homeland on contract

Burn this letter, wait for the contraband package.

I'm not stressed, I can deal with anything

So I serve Russia!

It's not my fault, you asked me yourself,

So I serve Russia!

I'm against the pigs and other homosexuals

So I serve Russia!

Red, white, blue, (3)

no matter my state, I'm ready to serve Russia!

• Artist:Noggano