Penis Song lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen

Introducing, the penis song.

(oh no he didn't)

(Honk a dick)

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

One of those porno king kong dongs

Check it out

I wish my dick was bigger, I can admit it

I'm above average on inches but I want a damn double digit

If I had a big ol' cock what would I do?

I'd probably go to Florida and show it Katrina and screw

Get bucknaked and start streaking at my school

And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed

With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and

Do a keg stand, get drunk and do the running man

With no clothes on just to show off

My dick's bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft

Haha, oh yeah I forgot that's not really the cock that I have

I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package

And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old school starter jackets

Trying to convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter,"

Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards cause I mean

I know that god made us all different and special

But shit did he really have to invent lopsided testicles?

I don't have them I just feel bad for the like you know the guys with like

Their left one hangs like lower than the right, kinda like a lazy eye like on your balls

I mean I don't know, I just feel bad

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

Fellas if ya'll feel me sing along

Yo ladies

Yeah?

Ladies!

Yeah?

Do you want a guy with an average dick?

Hell no

Then- wait you don't?

No you honkey dick

Okay that's cool, no that's fine

I promise, I'm so self conscious

That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August

Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets trying to pump blood into my guy Alfonso

I mean, goddamn I don't think you girls understand

I've had a complex since that song Short Short Man

And even though girls have told me that I'm big when I watch a porno I feel like a little kid

I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy

Now if a girl sees him she'll compare him to me

And every MC in hip hop has got a huge cock

Or at least talks about it in every song that they've got

I mean, shit

If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My Dick

With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with

And talk about my package and multiple orgasms

'Cause all that I see is that size does matter

We got Enzite, penis pumps surgery to Viagra

But when it all adds up you can't really change it

I'm not a porno star I just gotta face it

You know, what can I do

This song goes out to like all the like little bit above average dudes

So like all the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big dudes stop

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

Fellas if ya'll feel me sing along

• Artist:Macklemore