Harry Potter vs Luke Skywalker lyrics

[Harry Potter]

Accio mic! Let me fire up the wand

Like Hermione and Ron I'm about to get it on

'cause my mouth spits hot like Incendio flames

You're Lukewarm like some Tauntaun remains

Even the mad eye of my man Alastor Moody could see

Your franchise only has two decent movies

Search your feelings: do you sense déjà vu?

You're gettin' smoked like your Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru

Your acting is flat and your raps are 2D too

Bugger off to the afterlife where you're fat and see-through

You're the biggest letdown in your series since Snoke

It makes sense your father's Vader, all you do is choke

You country bumpkin, you must be dumb!

Who farms moisture on a desert planet with two suns?

Let me stick my plans in your Dusty Bin droid

I'll leave you like a Horcrux: split up and destroyed!

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't know who made you shoot first, but that missed

If I was you I'd have a bad feeling 'bout this

I'm a rhyming Jedi like my father before me

Your talking hat shoulda put you in Gryffin-dorky

Your origin story is mostly stolen from me

You might be Potter, but Harry, I planted your seed

Let's see: little orphan raised by relatives in solitude

Suddenly gets taken under wing of funky wizard dude

Learns that he's been destined to have powerful gifts

But between the two of us I think I got the cooler stick (Swing it!)

My mic-saber cuts through you so slicey

Leave you on the floor like an arm at Mos Eisley

Hit you with the Wampa raps, I get icy

Land'em in your face like:

[Han Solo] That'll do nicely

I fly the X-Wing to save a planet from massacre

You fly a broom like some kind of magical janitor

Your Dumble-dweeb army likes to think that you're the best

All you did was use your mom like a bulletproof vest!

[Harry Potter]

The death of my mother saved the wizarding race

Your mum died of heartache when she saw your face

You swamp school dropout! You're too whiney to rhyme

At least when I Slytherin a sister, she isn't mine!

I'm the boy who lived, a bestseller without equal

I'll split you like your fanbase's feelings 'bout the prequels

The sequels brought you back to meet your demise

I'd say you were brilliant, but I must not tell lies

I left J.K. straight Rowling in cash

You let J.J. compact your character to trash

So go on, try and force more of your disses

You're like a Stormtrooper: 'cause all your shit misses!

[Luke Skywalker]

[beep boop beep] That’s right, R2, it does sound like he left all his fire in the goblet

[boop beep beep] Haha! Maybe he will get rescued by an anorexic hobbit

I think it's pretty clear that you and I are pretty different:

My drive's hyper, your drive's Privet

I've got more rhymes than sand grains on Tatooine

You couldn't pull in the win with a tractor beam

I crushed an empire a galaxy large

I blew up the Death Star, you blew up Aunt Marge

I'll pop you where Poppy Pomfrey can't be healing you

Unlike a great disturbance in the Force, I'm not feeling you

Death would eat you up without Hermione and luck

Because your own skills Wingardium Levio-suck

You're a dud like Dursley, but worse

And I’d rather herd nerfs than have to endure your third verse!

[Harry Potter]

Have you heard rap before? That was not dope at all

Maybe have Goldieballs show you the protocol

But I bet you're just distracted, you got a lot on your plate

On one hand the rebellion, on the other hand- oh wait...

I roll deep and the Weasleys got my back

[the Weasleys]

This muggle sucks more hole than the bloody sarlacc!

We'll rough you up good if you try to step to Harry, mate!

You're the least intimidating twin since Mary-Kate!

[Harry Potter]

I flow like butterbeer on Diagon streets

You can find me getting fantastic on these beats

It's over Luke! I got the high ground advantage

I'll close it like a map: Mischief Managed!

[Luke Skywalker]

You should have Hagrid fly you home on his moped

If I wanted teenage wizardry I'd call Selena Gomez

My attack tactics are galactically hardcore

Far more than your goofy little Scar Wars

I learned flow from the best in the biz!

[Yoda] Get funky!

So of you, the end this is

[Yoda] Maclunkey!

My Jedi mind tricks put the nix on your Imperius

Twist you up like death sticks, I'm Bellatrix: dead Sirius

No need to Expelliarmus, you're harmless in a duel

Call me the Hogwarts Express: I just took you to school!

• Artist:Epic Rap Battles of History
• Album:Season 6