2008: The Year In Band Names

Each year, The A.V. Club receives hundreds of albums, thousands of press releases, and several thousand more show listings for hundreds of venues around the country. At any given moment, our editors are besieged by information on bands, most of whom we've never heard of. Sifting through all that info, we inevitably encounter questionable band names. Actually, you could argue any moniker is questionable, but we keep an ongoing list of the worst and funniest ones we see. Then, come December, we whittle them down for our annual Worst Band Names feature. This list isn't a compendium of the worst names of all time–or a statement on the quality of their music–just the ones we encountered this year. New for this year: Asterisks next to our favorites. Who's ready to rock

METAL (OR METAL-SOUNDING)

Divine Heresy

Song title: "Bleed The Fifth." Puns so aren't evil, dudes.

Engaged In Mutilating

My Son My Executioner

Lambs Of Abortion

Slaughter The Weak

"When you hear the name Slaughter The Weak you think metal font band or white belt grind, we are neither, we are the new band featuring ex members of Bloody December, The Love The Prey, and Salvination." Gotcha.

Benighted In Sodom

Winner, Best MySpace Headline: "Misery will be my opiate."

Terminally Your Aborted Ghost

Sadly, they aborted themselves in July.

Circle Of Dead Children

Celebrating "10 Years of Grinding FTW Blackened Sewage & Hate." Don't get so sentimental on us, guys.

Waking The Cadaver

Next year's prom slow dance staple: "I Know The Insides Of Women"-or, maybe, "Type A Secretor"

Insidious Decrepancy

The hits: "The Inerrancy Of Profanation," "Decadent Orgy" (is there any other kind), "Rancid Cesspool"

Distorted Impalement

This Austrian band promises "AUSTRIAN BRUTAL MOSHING SLAM DEATH," via songs like "Just A Fucking Bitch," "Nailing Wet Cunts," "Analfucked With Highheels," and "On Killing Spree."

Atrocious Abnormality

Wondering what happened to those dudes from Lust Of Decay and Putrilage Here they are! Check out "Raped Apart."

Goreality

Parasitic Extirpation

Cemetery Rapist

First album: Your Daughter's Twat Filled With My Cock.

Fecalized Rectal Sperm Spewage

"one man porn groove nightmare"

Sublime Cadaveric Decomposition

Screaming AfterBirth

Harvest The Murdered

Currently needs a bass player!

Methadone Abortion Clinic

Hmm, we're sensing a song-title pattern with these metal bands: "Hit 'Er In The Shitter," "Menstrual Minestrone"

Decrepit Birth

Beneath The Strangled Mass

MELODRAMATIC THEATER NERD NAMES

Roses On Her Grave

From Bliss To Devastation

Find lyrics on their MySpace blog so you can sing along!

Tears Of Mars

Fragile Utopia

Ecstasy The Flower

A Stained Glass Romance

Song: "No Way Jose Canseco."

Vesperian Sorrow

"Considered the premiere symphonic dark metal band in North America," according to their MySpage page.

Screams Of Winter

Heavens Have Strayed

Strength Behind Tears

Druids Of Stonehenge

Druids Of Huge

The Distant Fear Of A Legend

A Whisper In The Noise

Black Fortress Of Opium

Steel Blades Of Vengeance

Here's basically all that's on their MySpace page: "WE ARE MUSICIANS,NOT COMPUTER ENTHUSIASTS,YOU WANT METAL, DENVERCOME TO THE SHOWS AND WE SHALL PROVIDE"

For The Fallen Dreams

Echoes Of Eternity

Their MySpace page has code for four MySpace ads & three EOE-style MySpace contact tables, six buddy icons, four banner ads for their merch, another for their endorsements, one for their poster, and another for their album. EOE is fucking working it!

Perfection Is A Myth

True, because these song titles aren't perfect: "Michael J. Fox Gives Me The Shakes," "Subway V.S. Mama Cass," "Paris, Does This Camera Have Night Shot". Or maybe they are.

Ethereal Architect

Common Yet Forbidden

Ruins Of Honor

"Greed, irresponsibility, and fear have turned the human race into a pathetic mass of whining stupidity… There is no Honor. Only Hate will set you Free." (Emphasis theirs.)

The Stones We Throw

EMO

Crane Your Swan Neck

Song titles don't come any more emo than this: "Staple My Heart Closed," "Whilst I Was Away," "I Held Your Hand."

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

Your Kisses Cause Crashes

Blessed By A Broken Heart

They're from Montreal; maybe this translates into something less lame in French.

Say Hello To The Angels

Strike one: Naming yourself after an Interpol song. They're also looking for a bass player!

I Set My Friends On Fire

Top 10 finalist, Longest MySpace Bio.

Blues Skies For Black Hearts

Heart-Set Self-Destruct

Eyes Set To Kill

[pagebreak] THE FUNKS NEVER LEARN

Future Funk Squad

Not a funk band, but still damned.

Funkmaster Cracker

May have changed his name to FUNKMA$TER, which is also bad.

A Nickel Bag Of Funk

Even if this is a Digable Planets reference, FAIL. Though their music has been featured in "a personally requested feature for movie star Sandra Bulloch." What does that mean

Funk Shui

The Reverend Funk Connection

Funk In The Trunk

Unsurprisingly, at least two bands are vying for this moniker: one in Chicago and one in the home of the funk, Billings, Mont.

Anthony Smith's Trunk Fulla Funk

From Mr. Smith's memoir, The Lizard Stays In The Cage: "I suppose there are worse rackets than mimicking the movements of delicious crustaceans." So true.

The Good, The Bad, & The Funky

Chicken Noodle Funk

"WE NEED ARTWORK AND A NEW NAME!!!!!" Indeed.

God Made Me Funky

"Whut Up Y'all! WELCOME to the newly hella-Nufunkified God Made Me Funky website. Now the Nu-funk is officially in effect!" Their hometown Toronto.

Funk Ark

"yesterday holds the key to tomorrow," advises their MySpage page. That's the kind of wisdom you could only find in a Funk Ark, not that cracker-ass Ark Of The Covenant!

Weapons Of Mass DeFunktion

Funkternity

FunkMnkyz

JUST BECAUSE IT'S LONG DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD

Magically Delicious Smoking Skunk Monkey

Perpetual Dusk At Curtsy Caverns

The R&B Freejazz Gospel Supreme 80

The Kind Of Jazz Music That Kills

The Hobo Nephews Of Uncle Frank

What Laura Says And Thinks And Feels

Apparently, she says, thinks, and feels each dude in the band should be a serious hair-farmer.

Triumph Of Lethargy Skinned Alive To Death

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

Shitty Shitty Band Band

Shitty Carwash

Shitty Beach Boys

WOW, PEOPLE STILL DO THIS

Coup De Ska

HEY, WE SMOKE POT!

Cannibis Corpse

Album title: Tube Of The Resinated

Three Stoned Men

Song titles: "Too Stoned," "Stoned," "Too Lazy To Pee," "Hey Brother Roll A Joint," "Fog Bank."

Rosetta Stoned

It's a Tool song, but that doesn't make it okay-and this hip-hop crew don't look like Tool fans.

Post Mortem Bong Hit

Self-described "sloppy stoner jogg-rock." What does "jogg" mean Here's the first Google result. [NSFW]

BAD ATTEMPTS TO SOUND FUNKY

Busta' Moovalators

Illectrolytes

Yo, it's like music that keeps you hydrated!

Original Booty Burglars

The Whambamthankyouma'ams

Ride The Boogie

Boogaloo Assassins

[pagebreak] HIPPIE-SOUNDING NONSENSE

Offspring Of The Native Tongue

Children Of The Flower Children

Acoustic Tree Of Liberty

Fragyle Vybes

The InnerVisionists

Karma Sutra

Child Of The Black Madonna

Cosmic Railroad

Weaver At The Loom

Scribes Of Fire

The band cohered over "shared interests in philosophy, mysticism, and doom metal."

Cherish The Ladies

The Color Truth

INVOKING THE ALMIGHTY

Who's Your Favorite Son God

Song titles: "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dad," "Space Jam," "3 Men Vs. A Baby"

God's Day Off

"Colorado's perkiest and most well groomed band !!!"

God Fires Man

God Came From Space

Jesus Fucking Christ*

MySpace URL: myspace.com/jesusfuckingchristpuke

Jesus Causes Cancer

"Jesus Causes Cancer! With that said, come and see a show. Do a beer bong. Fight the band. Buy us vodka. Boo and heckle us! Bring a Jew!"

WHORES, SLUTS, PUSSY & BITCHES, INC.

Graveslut

The Sweet Sweet Bitches

Rape Door

One Whore's Town

Insects With Tits

Undercover Slut

The Whoreshoes

Best Bitch In Show

Vampire Pussy

Pussy Cow (also Pu$$y-Cow)

Wicked Pussy From The Wild West

Gestapo Pussy Ranch

Menstrual Tramps

SCATOLOGY

Shit Howdy

Diarrhea Till You Die*

"We are four kids who want to change the world. We are against the ignorance that plagues our society, we are against the money that controls it, we are against the religious fucks who call it thier own. We have a sense of humor."

Anal Hearse*

Crapulence

Subterranean Fecal Root

Homepage URL: shitgrind.com.

Farticus

Song titles: "Smelling My Sister's Diapers," "My Fishy Cooter," "AIDS In the Pork Bun," "Fart Sucker"

Rot Shit*

Lyrics available here.

(RANDOM THING) AND (RANDOM OTHER THING)

Vigo The Carpathian And The Thrash Money Millionairez

Their MySpace page is in Wingdings. Punk! Ghostbusters 2 reference. Not punk!

Steve E. Nix And The Cute Lepers

White Shoes And The Couples Company

Nacho Cheese And The Headgear Honeys

Midnight Spaghetti And The Chocolate G-Strings

Princess Die Die Die & The Dody Flayed's

Supa Ranks And His Rock Stone High Power

Somebody And The Really Somethings

Bonghit Billy And The Ass-Crack Tassles

Lee Press-On And The Nails

Sleezus Fist And The Latter Day Taints

LSD And The Search For God

Yuzo Nieto & The Hand That Rocks The Dradle

SEX

Sex With No Hands

Evangenitals

3 Piston Ass Hammer

The Self-Congratulatory One-Man Reach-Around*

Bloodcum

Touched By A Janitor*

Sexcrement

[pagebreak] WILL FOREVER BE MISSPELLED BY PROMOTERS

Starcastic Pheremone

Sambassadeur

INDEFENSIBLE

You Had Me At Hello

No band could survive with that name, and these guys didn't.

PUKE

Religious Vomit

It's a Dead Kennedys reference, but they're running with it on songs like "Vomit Out Your Faith," "War From Religion," and "Pentagrams Of Blood."

Sonic Vomit

CURRENT REFERENCES THAT WON'T AGE WELL

Terrorist Fist Jab

Subprime Blues Band

KILLING DEATH

Ogre Smash Death Boom

Death Music From The Doll House

Five Finger Death Punch*

Death Is Not A Joyride

IWANTTOKILLEVERYHUMAN

Abracastabya*

STILL DOING THE WOLF THING

When The Wolf (Arrives)

Holocaust Wolves Of The Apocalypse

You'll obviously recognize that name as a Bestial Warlust reference.

Shitwolf

SIMPLE AND PERFECT

Total Faggots*

You Die

Meth Teeth

Fag Cop*

FIRST PERSON

I've Ruined You Over The Years

And I'll Form The Head*

Lady I'm A Peaceful Man

Fuck… I'm Dead*

Iwrestledabearonce

Carlos I'm Pregnant

I Was Totally Destroying It*

I See Hawks In L.A.

LASERS

Lasers And Fast And Shit*

Lazersnake

Lazerbitch

MySpace URL: myspace.com/computersex

F-BOMBS

Fuck The Informer

Fucked By The State

The Fucking Buckaroos

Star Fucking Hipsters

Simon Go Fuck Yourself

The phrase uttered by millions of frustrated American Idol contestants and viewers now has its own band.

The Fucking Wrath*

Big Fuckin Skull

Fuckstorm

CUTESY BULLSHIT

Eskimo Kisses For Mommy

A Cure For The Mondays

Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk

Electric Tickle Machine

Tickle Me Pink

Tickley Feather

Twi The Humble Feather

The Cutest Puppy In The World

Justice Of The Unicorns

Album title: Angels With Uzis.

Prizzy Prizzy Please

Yay For Squares

[pagebreak] REWORKING PROPER NAMES & TRADEMARKS

Sega Genocide

Weird Al Qaeda

Genghis Con-Job

Cher Nobyl

The John Hughes Fan Club

"John Hughes always leaves you with a memorable moment in his movies and The John Hughes Fan Club strives to do the same."

The John Hughes Overdrive

Kathleen Turner Overdrive

This is probably a High Fidelity reference, but Jack Black or not, it's a bad name.

Natalie Portman's Shaved Head

Winner, Worst Band Name Of '08.

Andrew Jackson Jihad

Blog entry: "Do you or someone you love know how to get a cheap rental car"

Sigmund Droid

June With A Cleaver

Piss Pissedofferson

Harrison Ford Escort

Dali's Llama

Bin Laden Blowin Up

John Wilkes' Kissing Booth

Flock Of Steven Seagals

E=MC Hammer

Labrador Dali

Barry Whitesnake

Jerry Seinfeld's Atrophied Sac

Lee Marvin Computer Arm

Marshall Fucker Band

Sharon Tate's Baby*

Phallus In Chains

THAT'S PUN-TERTAINMENT

Obstacle Corpse

The Tao Jones

Bipolar Bear

Thrash Compactor

Teenage Waistband

Carnage Asada Blasé Faire

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes! Yes! Take Off Your Dress!

Stab!Heart!Kiss!Kill!

We Are! We Are!

Surprise! Arizona

Sans Pants! Ska Band!

Balloons Is Fun!!

Teeth!!!

Pants Yell!

Alas, Alak, Alaska!

TRAD FOLKS GONE AWRY

Twangzilla

Honkytonkitis

Menage A Twang

MOVIE/TV REFERENCES

Give Us The Money Lebowski

The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

Han And The Rebellion

(-o-)

Previously On Lost

"We play recap-rock," says their MySpage page. Song titles: "Ballad Of Sayid Jarrah" and "The Island Won't Let You Die."

Calling Jack Burton

Kneel To Zod

Lanemeyer

Hmm, their album Whispering Every Word Into A Smile also puts them in the emo category.

You, Me & Everyone We Know

The Killer Dolphin With Rabies

Sponge Worthy

Super-old Seinfeld reference = bad band name. But there's something behind it: "SPONGE WORTHY WAS FORMED, WITH MUCH LOVE, IN WACO, TEXAS. DEDICATED TO THE IDEA, THAT AT LEAST ONE TIME IN OUR LIVES, WE WERE ALL SPONGE WORTHY."

HEY, KINDA FUNNY

Christian Bland

Negroes On Ice*

Piss Piss Piss Moan Moan Moan*

The Unnecessary Gunpoint Lecture*

The Gothsicles

TOTAL ZEROES

000000000

000-00-0000

[pagebreak] WHA

Who Put The Bad Mouth On Me

Yam Cannon

Bourbon Toothpaste

A Fox Can Be Hungry

The Importance Of Going Blind

Leprechaun Catering

Surfing With An Alien

Just what the world was asking for: a Joe Satriani tribute band! Blah, blah, Coldplay joke, blah blah.

My Brother, The Welder

A BIG YES… and a small no

Dolphins Into The Future

"the sounds are information received through thelepathic / empathic communication with dolphins. all sounds and compositions are made under the proces of automatic writing. this is information about the past and future of earth."

Zombie Nationalists*

Chicken Pickle Monkey Car

Guy Who Looks Like Me With Glasses*

Oh Shit! A Geyser*

Nero's Day At Disneland

Sweatpants In Public*

Fatal Kitten Rampage

Safe Boating Is No Accident*

"The space between a dwarf star and a dwarf mouse may at times seem vast and unavigable. Truly it is inhabited both by glaciers and gibbons, brassieres and butter, but the distance can most certainly be closed. Here is the key: Safe Boating Is No Accident."

Too Pretty For Porn

Sobriety Starts Tomorrow

Mincemeat Or Tenspeed

New Maximum Donkey

Anger Is A Gift

Animals On Coke

Played a show with a band called Hookers And Blow.

Ketchup Mania

The Greatest Touchdown Ever Scored*

A-Bomb For The Pentagon

White, Wrench, Conservatory

Elf Lettuce

Biblical Proof Of UFOs

Black Power In Vietnam

The Spherical Banana

Cymbals Eat Guitars

RacecaR Is A Palindrome

JUST PLAIN STUPID

Murphy's Inlaws

We Go To 11

They're barely in their teens, so they get a pass.

Eagle Seagull

Had "a damned stupid name for a band" on its MySpace page.

401 (K)boom

Mushroom Murder Mob

The Chicago group sent out this e-mail last month: "Mushroom Murder Mob needs pictures of you nipples. We are almost finished with our new CD and are working on the covers and sleeve ,So please send us a close up shot of your nipps ,. If your nipple makes you get a FREE CD!!!!!!"

A Band Called Pain

Want more bad names Check out previous years' lists: 2007, 2006.