When Bundled Bowels met Gruesome Toilet: The 2015 year in band names

As the year closes and the world takes stock of what it has seen and learned the past 12 months, The A.V. Club continues its hallowed annual tradition of quantifying the the funny, terrible, bizarre, offensive, and otherwise notable band names it encountered this year. This year’s crop includes two drawings of cartoon penises—in retrospect, there could’ve been so many more—so you’ve been warned, office workers. And just wait until you hear what “just the right height no bucket required” means.

Retooled proper names

Fancy Reagan

Nacho Picasso

Songs from this year’s Blunt Raps 2: “Hoes Call,” “Dick Suckin Song,” “David Blowie,” “Big Ass Titties” (“She got big-ass titties / I mean big ass titties”)

Keith Sweaty

Jackal Onasis

This works on a couple levels: as a reference to the beloved former first lady, and as an allusion to Party Down, which is mentioned in the liner notes of the Jumping Boys EP: “dedicated to the amazing show Party Down… Jah blesssss.”

Steve’n’Seagulls

This is the first time a band has appeared on our annual band-names feature and A.V. Undercover. Congrats, guys.

Tiger & Woods

Good Willsmith

Tracks from its latest, Snake Person Generation: “Real Wet Feet Get Real Wet” (which lasts 17:41), “22 Dogs All Tuckered Out After A Walk.”

Mashd N Kutcher

There are worse names for a mashup project, though this video is surprisingly serious-looking for a group with a goofy name:

Arson Welles

John Wayne’s Teeth

Bobby’s Oar

Madam West

Yoko And The Oh No’s

Hillary Chillton

President Bill Clinton

Co-winner, Least Effective Name For Googling

The Roalde Dahls

Influences, per Facebook: “Kevin Spacey in K-Pax”

Stallone The Reducer

Narc Twain

Frasier And The Cranes

Song titles: “Titles Are For Bands With Fans,” “I Can See Up Ur Skirt,” “Six-Hundred Unread Emails”

Lost Gorbachevs

This Portuguese band plays jazzgrind (jazz-inflected grindcore) with a pronounced sociopolitical slant, judging by its song titles: “Constructive Subcapitalist Theory,” “Precapitalist Sublimation,” “Society Is Part Of The Absurdity Of Art,” “Mythopoetical Nihilism,” and, uh, “Cona Anal” (“Anal Cunt”).

Brucexcampbell

Naturally, this grindcore group’s Bandcamp page can be found at evildash.bandcamp.com, and the cover of 2013’s Hail To The King looks like this:

Bio: “We are a four piece crust grind noise never ending force of nature. Our origins are unknown, but our task in life is to defeat the evil that dwells within life’s cycle, which is the madness that grows with power.”

Chicano Batman

Cautious Clay

Indiana Jones & The Rio Piedras

“Formerly known as: Keef & His Beef”

Vietrahm

Take that, embattled mayor of Chicago!

Charlie Down

Useless Grant

Pop culture references

Red Dawn II

Where The Sidewalk Ends

You, Me, And Everyone We Know

Venkman

Awesome URLs: venkmanburninhell.bandcamp.com, facebook.com/venkmanburninhell

The longest song on this year’s Slumber Party is 1:27 (“Big McLargeHuge”), with the shortest clocking in at a scant three seconds (“Firetruck”).

Frisco Dykes

Growwing Pains

“Genre: ANXIETY POP”

My God, It’s Full Of Stars

The Damn Dirty Apes

Cheesy homemade music video with strippers Check.

Watcher’s Woods

Specified genres: anti-civ post-punk, tree goths, anarcho-deathrock, queer darkwave. But this is a pretty metal album cover:

O-Face

Benny The Jet Rodriguez

The Pac Men

“The Pac Men are the most hired 80s dance band for private parties in Southern California. They involve your guests as part of their show. They offer zany ‘adult only’ shows or family shows depending on what you desire.” Wow, the most hired!

Triangulo De Amor Bizarro

Phone Home

Genre: spacecore, naturally—though the song title “I Went And Got A Gatorade” doesn’t sound sound like a line from E.T.

Negro Galacticus

The Simpsons still inspire

Okilly Dokilly

This headline from the Independent says it all: “There is a Ned Flanders-themed metal band called Okilly Dokilly”

Worker/parasite

Hockey Dad

All the bonus points for this band description: “Feel the drunken wrath of Chuck Shadowski”

So does Seinfeld

The Penske File

My God, The Heat

Former member: El Ron Chubbard.

Lyrics of “The Continuing Decline Of Customer Service In The Food And Beverage Industry”: “Man that waiter, he knows a lot about music / Man that waiter, he knows a lot about amps / Man that waiter, he knows a lot about everything but pouring coffee / Someone grab that waiter and have him get us napkins if you get a chance.”

Other songs: “Someday Baby, You Will Miss These Dance Moves,” “Our City, Our Shithole,” “Born To Co-Sign,” “I Am A Very Selfish Lover With Specific Selfish Needs,” “A Hug Will Only Make It Worse.”

More band names inspired by Rushmore, please

Mr. Little Jeans

Best play ever, man.

O.R. They

Double points for this album title: Did Somebody Say Our Names Who would’ve guessed the genre is hip-hop

Star Wars, pre-Episode VII

Ch3wbacca

Bearcoon Ewok

Brands that probably aren’t pleased

Amtrac

Ne-Hi

The A.V. Club

Some history for you, pretender A.V. Club, a.k.a. “members of Chicago’s top working and original music bands”: In 2005, the White House told Onion Inc. to stop using the presidential seal. Our legal team told them to shove it. Don’t fuck with us. Also, describing your collective as “a Saturday Night Live sort of band” that delivers “a wildly organic and original sound” will do nothing but earn further mockery from us.

DJ Windows98

Better known as Arcade Fire’s Win Butler, dressed like some kind of desperado.

Shit

Shitnoise Bastards

Shit Fucking Shit

ShitFun

Genre: “serial killer grindcore,” which doesn’t sound all that fun. The band’s moniker is presumably taken from the 1995 Autopsy album of the same name.

Shit Of Satan

Shit Giver

Genre: “gothic delaycore”

Total Fucking Shit

Shitty Boots

Facebook band description: “Born in a barrel of butcher knives, and sleeping on a bed of cobras. Raleigh’s very worst people.”

Fuck

Fuck Your Birthday

Fuck You, Idiot

The Fucktons

Fucko

Breasts

L.A. Boobs

Could a band description sound less enticing than “a side project of The Pizza Underground”

Tits Of Clay

This is a band composed of the members of The Angry Inch from Broadway, and the band name comes from a lyric in that show. Please link to your Jars Of Clay/Hedwig And The Angry Inch mash-ups in the comments.

Lil Tits

Low Cut Connie

Penises

Dick Pics

Hey, don’t try to hide that you’re a Grateful Dead cover band, guys. We’re onto you.

Jew Cocks

Milk Dick

Rapist With No Penis

You probably remember their split with Vomitoma on Splatterfuck Tapes.

Stuff that comes out of penises

Young Cum

Spewing Cum

Young Cum and Spewing Cum played a show together in New York in October. Sadly, the two other bands on the bill, Hounds Basket and Greasy Hearts, didn’t go by Hounds Cum and Greasy Cum for the show.

Ludlow Ejacula

Parasitic Ejaculation

Cum Sock

Pissgrave

Piss Junkie

Skulls

Bloody Death Skull

Metal name, but the group self-describes as a “ukulele-fronted, sock-hop party band.”

Lyrics from super-catchy song “Sky Ferreira”: “To make money in 2008 / A friend of mine answered an ad to drive a man in a wheelchair to have sex with a prostitute / To make money in 2008 / A friend of mine posted an ad to sell her dirty underwear online to men who would use it to masturbate.” The titular chanteuse isn’t mentioned until later: “Sky Ferreira, tell me how to wear my hair like that.”

Skullshitter

Various body parts

Clit Kat

Forest Of Tongue

Blunt Fang

Spiteful Womb

Winner, Album Cover Too Gross To Post Here

Prom Body

Bodies Be Rivers

The Heads Are Zeros

“Their extremely loud and fast music has won the hearts of tens, perhaps dozens, of people.”

Viscera

Scattered Guts

Visceral Disgorge

This Maryland metal band currently has a GoFundMe campaign to cover its planned 2016 expenses, which include recording a new album (and all the expenses that entails), touring, video(s), and merch. It’s not going well:

Medical diagnosis or band name

Disgorgement Of Intestinal Lymphatic Suppuration

The band’s 2007 album is 47 tracks, most of which are under 30 seconds and hit all the usual medical-dictionary goofiness, though track 42 is called “The Impotence Of Being Earnest.”

Urinary Tract Infection From Severe Pus Clots

Bundled Bowels

Ampallang Infection

Song: “Colostomy Bag Piñata”

Hemorrhoidal Anal Suffering

Dark name, bro

Entombed In The Abyss

“If you like slammin’ music and heavy breakdowns then check us out!”

Fit For An Autopsy

Gender studies and human sexuality

MS MR

Wymyns Prysyn

Gender Poutine

All Boy/All Girl

No Girls Allowed

Album: Songs In The Key Of F Yourself, featuring “Hurry Up And Put Your Dick In Me.”

Genderqueer Death Squad

Per Facebook, band description: “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re anarchists, we’ll folk you up!”

TRNSGNDR/VHS

Forced Into Femininity

Dyke Drama

Southern Queers

Sexy times

Bukkake Violence Kommando

The band had a tape on Rotting Abortion Records, which you probably remember from that great Putrid Whore/WhoreEvil split in 2008.

Pleasure Leftists

Fat Ass Fuckers

Sexy Fights

Sextile

Zombie X Incest

Slow Porn

Band bio/mission statement: “Remain (Meant Rds) & Phred (La dame Noir Rds) teaming up to play Slow & Indecent Music On A Wet Tempo All Night Long.”

Various religious references

Dildo Of God

The name is also a meme, because “dildo of god” backward is “dog food lid.”

Must Be The Holy Ghost

Abel Raise The Cain

God Of The Gaps

Other Jesus

Astorian Stigmata

This goth-rock band has a video on its Facebook page in which frontman Dennis Condusta wonders why the internet hates the group. Its supremely goofy video for “Dramatic Romantics” does the band no favors:

Fat Heaven

Raised In Purgatory

Heaven’s Jail

Thy name is dumb

Thy Art Is Murder

Thy Nihilistic Serpent

These bands are exactly what you think

Skapeche Mode

“Committed to ruining both the eighties and ska, one show at a time.” It looks like they’re succeeding, per this video.

Skadonna

No

Kississippi

Speak Low If You Speak Love

N-A-R-C

It stands for New Age Real Change. Nope.

Her Name Echoes

Courage My Love

Patchouli Prince

Not to be confused with Prince Of Patchouli, a Cleveland shop specializing in smoking accessories and sundry ’60s stuff. Come in for your free pack of incense today!

D-Cent Jerks

Prettiest Eyes

SadGirl

Cuddle Formation

The Lady Comes First

Stay N The Fight

Black Sheep Refuge

Psychiatric Metaphors

Faun And A Pan Flute

My Darling Fury

Punny names, plays on words, portmanteaus, etc.

Deaf Wish

This name has to have been used before, right

Surface To Air Missive

Swimsuit Addition

Rational Anthem

Bio: “Once we started being a band 6 years ago, we just never stopped. We’re still trying to figure out why.”

Reighnbeau

Mother Girth

Good Graeff

Teen Commandments

Audiotopsy

L.O.T.I.O.N.

Winner, Biggest Gulf Between Acronym & What It Stands For: Legacy Of Terror In Occupied Nations.

Jugger-nut

Boosegumps

Banned Parenthood

Exclamations!

Citizens!

Oh Pep!

AudioDamn!

Go!Zilla

Not to be confused with Go!Zilla, a download manager. “Never lose a download again!”

Survay Says!

This New Jersey ska-punk band is attempting to avoid litigation from the producers of Family Feud with that classic evasive move, misspelling a word. Better to look dumb than get sued!

Weird characters, punctuation, and capitalization

[[[personablack]]]

why+the+wires

Lost Boy

A/JUS/TED

Love, Jerks

Shy, Low

BL_NK SP_C_S

.wav

Co-winner, Least Effective Name For Googling

Shift K3Y

Cre-scen-do

Voted Most Likely To Be Spelled Incorrectly

Sapropelic Pycnic

Signor Benedick The Moor

Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium

Wam Dingis

Phutureprimitive

Pfarmers

Adjy

Go long or go home

Just The Right Height No Bucket Required

As explained by the man in this video, that’s the phrase abbreviated with JRHNBR, which describes when an animal has an anus or vagina at hip height, so a human male wouldn’t need to stand on something to sexually penetrate it. The video comes from a 2004 British TV documentary called Animal Passions, which examined zoophilia. (It’s on YouTube.) Now go take a shower.

Perspective, A Lovely Hand To Hold

A Sea Monster Ate My Friends

A Scumbag’s Guide To Life

Mr. Elevator And The Brain Hotel

The Department Of Descriptive Services

Bio: “The Department of Descriptive Services is a city service, we are here to HELP kids, foreigners, aliens, creatures of allwalks [sic] of life, even curious plants and sea life…OH!!! Let us not forget the dead, ghosts, gouls, zombies and rapscallions..to better understand the benefits and the goings on of city facilities, structures of business and public places. We are here to inform you.” Understanding that, the song titles on last year’s High Fashiost make more sense: “Hospitol” [sic], “Professional Building,” “Public Pool,” “Post Office,” “DMV.”

It’s Not Night: It’s Space

Genre: “Heavy Raga-Roll Drone Journeys to the Depths of Inner & Outer Space”

Tall Tales And The Silver Lining

Among The Rocks And Roots

Cornstar Farmer’s Market Pornstar Coinstar

Songs: “Everyone Cummin’ To The Beat,” “Sweet Pussy Laphroaig.”

Binho Incorporis Pussy Putrification Clono Infest

The Corpse In The Crawlspace

Its 2015 album, Let There Be Corpse, blows through 30 tracks in 34 minutes—the longest, “Duodenal Devourment,” clocks in at an epic 2:36. Let There Be Corpse also features “Oozing Abdominal Lunch,” “Exquisite Empryonic [sic] Excoriation And Evisceration,” “Prolonged Bowel Prolapse,” “Vomit Snorter,” “Purulent Sphictral Ripping Afterbirth,” and many more. The grindcore scene is single-handedly keeping the medical-dictionary business solvent.

The End Times Spasm Band

Extraordinary Popular Delusions

The title comes from Extraordinary Popular Delusions And The Madness Of Crowds, a landmark 1841 book by Charles Mackay that explains everything from alchemy and mind-reading scams to economic bubbles. The band Extraordinary Popular Delusions explores another mass delusion: free jazz.

First person

I Tried To Run Away When I Was 6

Full name appears to be I Tried To Run Away When I Was 6 (But Got Too Scared To Cross The Street). In September, Peak Emo was reached when it released a split with Emo Side Project and Charlie Down. Short description, per Facebook: “bring a seltzer to the show and I’ll put you on the guest list.”

We Leave At Midnight

The Year I Disappear

“This isn’t just ‘songs about my emotions’, Its [sic] an outlet for my problems. Passionate, Heartfelt, Meaningful.” So…songs about your emotions then

My French Roommate

Second person

Yours Are The Only Ears

Screw Your Brains

Your Old Droog

Directives

Make Do And Mend

Show Me The Body

Feed Her To The Sharks

March On, Comrade

Don’t Fear The Satellites

A common trope for bios for unknown/up-and-coming bands is to claim they’re pioneering a new genre, usually with some convoluted description. To wit: “Don’t Fear The Satellites of Cincinnati is slashing through the Midwest music scene coining their own genre of what they call Fusion Dance Music. The music flows through a variety of styles capturing the essence of Progressive Rock and Fusion Jazz but also nodding to, R&B, Funk, Electronic and World Music.”

Thrash Or Die

Naturally, a band that has an album called Poser Holocaust also has a song called “No Posers Allowed.”

Kick A Ten Year Old In The Head

Description of YouTube video for this LA/NYC duo’s song “The Big Heavy”: “this song was released on nothing. ever.”

NO VOWELS

PPL MVR

The press release announcing the trio’s appointment as house band of The Spike Guys’ Choice Awards declared it the “world’s craziest band.” Maybe because the members dress as sasquatch or something

PWR BTTM

Per Facebook, band influences: Kylie Minogue. Band interests: cheekbones.

Nospaces

Highasakite

Himomitsdad

Sideasideb

Tinnitusstimulus

Def.GRLS

BoomBoxRepairKit

X and Y

Sashcloth & Axes

Short description: “NO SAFEWORDS.” Bio: “LEATHER AND CHAINS.”

Truman & His Trophy

Man And The Smells

Everyone And Their Empty Cups

The Dust And The Screaming

“alternative rock with a progressive touch, fans of coheed and cambria, radiohead, pink floyd, rush, led zeppelin, and bold & creative music are welcome.” If you don’t like The Dust And The Screaming, you must not be a fan of bold and creative music.

The Things

The Hell Yeah Babies

The Hate My Day Jobs

“Dan, Artie, and Glenn hate their day jobs. So do you, you say Well, did you take the ennui that is your life and turn it into paying gigs that make the kids dance We didn’t think so.”

The Potential Lunatics

The Black Heartthrobs

The Hartford Pussies

The Wet Darlings

Surgeon General’s warning

Cigarettes After Sex

Diet Cig

Cigarette Bums

Lower Tar

Animals, sort of

Strung Like A Horse

Whales Whailing

Rat Fist

False Pterodactyl

Shark Punch

Bio: “It’s all about Dinosaur Brocore.”

Escape By Ostrich

A Deer A Horse

Step-Panther

Jurassic Shark

Trichotomous Hippopotamus

Per its bio: “Rapidly becoming a force to be reckoned with in the Fort Wayne music scene.” First Fort Wayne, then northern Indiana, then THE WORLD.

The Pinstripe Pigeon Band

A Giant Dog

Horse Jumper Of Love

Dream Panther

Egrets On Ergot

Dogs On Acid

Story Of The Running Wolf

Bio: “…the LA-based duo has created a live show which has been described as a ‘John Hughes party on Neptune.’” Yes, it’s better to make it sound like that description came from someone besides the band.

Pupppy

Latest album: Shit In The Apple Pie

BBIGPIGG

Sodium Beast

Its song “(You Got A) Pussy” consists mostly the title repeated over and over, then amended with “You got a pussy between your legs!”

Like Herding Cats

Yeti Ender

Bio, per Facebook: “Yeti Ender is a __________ (impressive adjective) band that blends the _____ (adjective) sounds of _____ (genre) with the _______ (superlative) that _______ (another genre) has to offer —- think ______ (band) meets ______ (band).

Yeti Ender formed when _______ (band member) met _______ (another band member) in the men’s room of _________ (local park). The two of them ______ (verb, past tense) for ______ (period of time) until they met up with ________ (rest of the band). It was like ______ (noun) for the whole ________ (body part)!

Together, the ______ (number) of them _____ (verb) like no other in today’s ______ (genre) scene. With their ______ (tough-sounding adjective) riffs, _______ (pretentious adjective) lyrics, and ________ (sexy adjective) stage show, they are soon to be __________ (grandiose claim)!”

Song titles from last year’s Visions Of Your Cat: “Motherfucking Awesome God,” “Ancient Clown Burial Ground,” “Lotion Basket.” Available via Bandcamp for $6.66.

Roach Beach

Sweet logo:

So it’s not just a clever name

GodAwfulNoise

The Awful Din

The final frontier

Astronauts, Etc.

Cambodian Space Project

Most band bios needn’t stretch 2,173 words, but most bios aren’t also quick primers on the Khmer Rouge and its crackdown on popular music. The story of how Cambodian Space Project came together, and the shadow the Khmer Rouge still casts nearly 40 years later, justifies the epic bio—and the “Please like us on facebook!” button at the end is kind of adorable.

What Moon Things

Bio: “Formed:

the brink of summer,

a moldy asthmatic basement.

Drinkin the last sips

every last box of wine,

what moon things

saw the tasty crevice of light,

born again.

it’s the fourth wave, and we’re cummin.”

Stuck On Planet Earth

Newish Star

Opening lyrics to the (great) 55-second song “I Got Mad”: “Now I got mad / When one of my best friends in the world / Liked my band / When all I wanted was / Some pretty girl I never met before / To give me some wrong sense of approval / A perverted pat on the back.”

Bio: “Hi Newish Star is a three piece from Buffalo NY and Jordan writes all the songs but he isn’t pushy about it.”

Surf’s up

Surf Rock Is Dead

Surfbort

Presumably they’re Beyonc

é

fans

Gentleman Surfer

Surf Curse

Zzzzz

Naked Naps

Song: “Toyota Prius, The Silent Killer”

Nap Eyes

Numbers

Pop. 1280

51717

Foodies

Leisure Muffin

Carb On Carb

Hot Sauce Holiday

Bio: “Hot Sauce Holiday is for everyone that wants to kick over their office desks and start dancing. We are for the eccentric outsiders, the burners, and the lovers. Join us in taking on the banality of convention.”

Deep Fried Embryo

Songs from 2014’s Butcher: “John Wayne Was A Rapist,” “Visual Defication” [sic],” “Black Jack Black Eating Cracker Jacks,” “The Boy Who Pounded Pony’s [sic] To Much,” “Shit Bomb The Bed,” “Burner Of Bibles, Shitter Of Beds,” “Stealing And Selling And Testing Used Dildos,” and many, many more, most lasting around 15 seconds.

Geographical locations

Fire In The Hamptons

Bio: “Descending from the heavens (with an arrival point somewhere directly skyward of Los Angeles, California) looms Fire In The Hamptons: A tribal entity that has come to provide the Earth with the soundtrack for celestial lovemaking.”

Gowanus Mutant Kommandos

Hecho En Brooklyn

Family ties

Gramma’s Boyfriend

Unkle Funkle

Acid Dad

Sons Of Hippies

Novelty Daughter

O’Sister Brother

Too Fun Child

Dad & Dad

Repetition repetition repetition (repeat)

And And And

Wheelchair Wheelchair Wheelchair Wheelchair

Oh Oh Ecstasy

GGGAMESSS

Transit

Car Seat Headrest

Bandcamp bio excerpt: “Media outlets please DO NOT LINK THE NUMBERED ALBUMS BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT VERY GOOD”

Kneeling Bus

It looks like two groups claim this moniker: an experimental band called Kneeling Bus from Brooklyn (album: Watch The Simpsons Online Free), the other a band from Pennsylvania called The Kneeling Bus, which may or may not still exist. It doesn’t look like anyone’s claimed A Kneeling Bus yet.

Short Bus PileUp

2010 album: Repulsive Display Of Human Upholstery, which includes tracks like “Labia Beautification,” “Stench Of Her Burning Flesh,” “Gagging On Dick,” and “FUBAR (Felt Up By A Retard).” 2006’s We Keep The Dancefloor Dirty With Bottles And Shit is a little more lighthearted, with songs like “Remember That Time We Stomped That Dead Dear [sic] Carcass,” “I Have Erectile Disfunction [sic] Now Thanks To Lorraina Bobbit [sic],” and, uh, “Suturing The Fuckhole.”

Blinded with science

Miracles Of Modern Science

Thank You Scientist

Dear white people

Fat White Family

Winner, Song That Sounds Nothing Like Its Title: “Now That I’m Taking Myself Seriously As An Artist (Wet Hot Beef Part III)”

Rich White Ladies

Get mild

Totally Mild

The Mild High Club

Emo

Diabolic Emo Destroyer

So diabolical they’re only on Myspace!

Emo Side Project

Songs from this year’s You Know What Sucks Everything: “This MegaHertz,” “I’m Just Crying And Watching Soccer,” “No History Book Could Have Prepared Me For What Happened Here,” “Salute Your Jorts!”

Misc.

Adult Dude

Teenage Time Killers

Scam Avenue

Oh Golly

The band offers a “free consultation” via text if you’re feeling lonely, stretched thin, anchor-less, or have any questions in general: 973-508-5497.

Drippy Inputs

Coastwest Unrest

Laser Background

Big Zit

The Stupid Daikini

Tracksuit Wedding

“Experience true energy and entertainment!” screams an enormous banner on the band’s homepage. But please note: “We don’t wear Tracksuits and we are not a Wedding Band!” says its Facebook page.

Yip Deceiver

Rad Payoff

Album: The Good, The Rad, And The Ugly. Track four, “Mini Raid The Panty Fridge,” features the repeated refrain, “Don’t slam my dick in the car door!”

Um Are

Opening track on this year’s Child Prodigy: “Um Are You Gonna Finish That”

Evasive Backflip

Bastardgeist

Relevant Anger

Bad Bad Meow

Pure Disgust

Total Slacker

Slum Sociable

Baby Aspirin DVD

Sultan Of The Disco

Criminal Hygiene

Bio: “uptown slick cruise sailor crackers stuck under freeway overpasses drinking chords and shitting cranberries…”

Weird Guilty Pleasures

Winner, World’s Most Boring Band Bio: “Adam and Dylan have been friends and have been in a few bands together in the past. Michael and Adam were childhood friends, but didn’t see each other much after they moved. Once they met up again years later, they realized both were musicians and the band started to take form bringing everyone together.”

Cutthroat Gorgeous

Mattress Financial

Half Waif

Endorphins Lost

Go Filth Go

Wizard Rifle

Crypto Jocks

Gruesome Toilet

Chess Club Romeos

Sugarquief

As of this writing, the group has a sad six Twitter followers.

Freedom Fry

Purple Mountains Majesties

Powered Wig Machine

Divorced With Three Kids

Bro Safari

Indonesian Junk

Bio excerpt: “We’re kinda scumbags.”

Injecting Strangers

Straight Edge Kegger

Chat Logs

Shy Technology

“The band’s name, which is often shortened to ‘Shy Tech,’ is explained by [frontman David] Coulson as the vision of human beings being very advanced forms of technology: ‘Our bodies serve as vehicles to help us manifest great things and to help others. Our inner being is what controls the actions of that technology. I thought it was a funny thing explaining the soul and body connection and it seemed that the perfect way to do that was by describing it as ‘shy technology.’” So there you go.

High-Functioning Flesh

Bio excerpt: “Their unique hard beating electronics are heavily infused with body horror and seeks to revive us from our spectacle-induced coma.” So prepare to have you fucking mind blown, bro.

Decrepit Jaw

Dead Is He

Band interests: “Playing brutal metal and consuming mass quantities of beer, tequila and Jagermister [sic].”

Hot Flash Heat Wave

Clones Of Clones