Обращение к акционерам ОАО Газпром [Obraschenie k Aktzyioneram OAO "Gazprom"] [English translation]

1. Dear shareholders of JSC Gazprom,

It would be a great pleasure to meet you,

I am Semyon Slepakov, just call me Semyon,

You even may call me every name you like:

Victor, Gennady, Akaky1, Yegorka2,

The main thing is that you feel comfortable,

Okay, now I am turning to the subject,

I want to tell you all about my problem:

In short, my situation is so:

Somehow, I got tired of working,

I know you will listen to my words,

Because who can understand them except you?

Generally, I tell you honestly and straight:

I have seen your advertising on TV,

And it very convincingly says

That all dreams come true together with Gazprom,

Gazprom always fulfills its obligations,

You all are the direct proof of that,

Seeing your facial expressions,

I guess that your dreams have come true!

Eventually, I am impressed by your good example,

So I would like to become a shareholder like you,

I do not need an astronomical sum of money,

Please, give me at least one little percent,

Only one percent... it is a small matter for you all,

It's just a diminutive... nine-digit number. You're so rich

That you can even wipe your asses with cash,

But someone has only a budget gap.

The Chorus:

I don't wanna be an engineer,

I don't wanna be a combine driver,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,

I don't wanna be a land-surveyor,

I don't wanna be a fashion designer,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.

2. I promise I'm going to live in a small way

Like an ordinary employee of Gazprom,

I won't throw big money around like a fool,

I will spend my money carefully, I won’t stand out,

I’ll buy a Swiss watch made of gold,

Well, it's for being like y’all, so I won’t stand out,

There will be 10-15 diamonds on my watch,

Another way, I'll immediately start to stand out,

Also, I will buy a little Mercedes S-class

For being like Gazprom’s faceless mass,

I need neither a Maybach nor even an AMG,

I’d like just a humble S-class, for my soul,

Also, I will build three mansions on Rublyovka3,

Well, it’s for keeping traditions of Gazprom,

Personally, I would be satisfied just with two ones,

But I should obey our esprit de corps!

I’ll buy a Bentley with red and blue car interior for my wife

(Like cars which your security guards gift to their wives)

And a ring with a 20 carat diamond,

Because she also wants to not stand out,

I’ll buy a Ferrari for my son, he’s already 17-years old,

Well, my boy mustn’t stand out in the MGIMO4,

I will buy a yacht of 30 meters length for myself

So I will be able to blend in with your crowd,

Honoring our modest corporate customs,

I will celebrate my birthday in Nice,

I’ll invite Britney Spears and Madonna for singing,

So I won’t be the black sheep in the company.

The Chorus:

I don't wanna be a millionaire,

I don't wanna be a billionaire,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,

I don't wanna be the Mayor of Moscow,

The President5, and even The Prime Minister6,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.

3. My dear and lovely shareholders,

I beg you to start prompt actions

To allow me to join to your magic JSC,

Despite my plea is a little sudden,

I hope you will favorably consider it,

Because the gas obtained in Russia is our common,

But only you have your dreams come true.

The Chorus:

I don’t wanna be a policeman

And even a chief of a dermatovenereological dispensary,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,

I don’t wanna be Pierre Narcisse7,

I don’t wanna be a guy with a huge dick,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,

I don’t wanna be a poacher,

I don’t wanna be a gondolier,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,

I don’t wanna be a drug courier,

I don’t wanna be a mail courier,

I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.

1. Akaky is Greek men’s name translated as “a person who doesn’t make anything angry”. Now, in Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine, this name is considered obsolete and not used. 2. Yegorka is a little children pet name of Yegor in Russian. 3. Rublyovka is the unofficial name of the territory in the West side of Moscow along the Rublevo-Uspenskoe, 1st and 2nd Uspenskoe, and Podushkinskoye highways. This area is well known for the fact that many Russian famous and rich people (the businessmen, politicians, show business stars, artists, etc.) live here. The land of this area is the most expensive in the Moscow region. 4. MGIMO (rus. МГИМО) is Russian abbreviation of the Moscow State University of Foreign Affaires (rus. "Московский Государственный Институт Международных Отношений"). It is not a regular college. The cream of the crop studies there.5. Dmitry Medvedev is meant here. 6. Vladimir Putin is meant here. When this song was composed, he was The Prime Minister, but he had real power in Russia.7. Pierre Narcisse is a Russian pop-singer: https://lyricstranslate.com/ru/pierre-narcisse-lyrics.html

• Artist:Semyon Slepakov