Ex-boyfriend lyrics

Ey what's going on man?

It's your boy Lil Dicky

A.K.A Mr. Leftward-Sloping Penis

I got a story for y'all man

Peep this

Yessir

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]

Now I been datin this girl named Katie, she hot as hell

And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it dont smell

And I don't fall for chickens

But this one a little different

Body sickening

Plus she really good at making breaded chicken

Got me thinkin she the one man

Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man

Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close

I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd

Oh yeah there's one more thing

And I know this shit gonna sound insane

But I still haven't hit it

I admit it, I wish I was kidding

Never been up inside before

Because shes only fucked one guy before

And though I really wanna boink this whore

She ma sweetie 3.14

So I'm stayin patient, and masturbating

And now ma heart is sorta racing

Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating

Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm bout to go all out

I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake

But on the way to crib, we pass this kid

And he seem to know who Katie is

So I say "who this" and she say

Dicky, this is my ex-boyfriend Jim"

[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

But as I'm lookin at this dude I can't believe my eyes

Cuz he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life

He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod

Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god

And now I'm lookin at ma chick, cuz his dick's been inside her rawww

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]

Awww damn

Man this is crazy

I can't believe this guy used to fuck ma lady

I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti

Katie's huggin and squeezing his shoulder blades

And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay

And then they say, "let's get drinks" so I say okay

Even though I was about to get laid!

Man this mafucka look like Ashton

Combined wit a lil Hugh Jackman

In other words, he's so damn attractive

So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him

Now I'm in the back wit him, sippin on some 'gnac wit him

And he payin for it all, he investment bankin...

I'm acting, like I ain't distracted

But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin'

And now I'm feelin' pissed, so I go and take a piss

Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is

And I had to see, and I was mad discreet

And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek

Oh my god becky, look at that cock

[Hook 2: Lil Dicky]

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes

Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life

And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lotta hate

Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate

And I don't know if I can date ma girl after tonight

Aw damn

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]

I don't know what to do

Dude's dick is really huge

I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth

I know she's missin that

My penis isn't that

I'm lookin closer I think that his dick has abs

Six pack on a dick

Now what the fuck is that

It's so long and thick

It's like a punching bag

I'm sayin it's so shaven, head is amazing

Got ma dick looking like a raisin

Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein,

it's crazy

What the fuck should I do?

He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive thru....

I think it's time to

Tell Katie ma goodbyes

Cuz I simply can't survive

After seeing what was in between his thighs

So I tell her

[Hook 3: Lil Dicky]

That this dude's gotta dick that I don't comprehend

I had to move ma neck to see it end to end

I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense

And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end

Because the sex with him must have been the best

And I would say let's just be friends

But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye

Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say

Because I dated this dude in second grade

So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid

And then I took her to ma crib, and you know that we belly slapped

And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came

I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh

And upper mid-section region

You can call that the pelvis

Some would even call that the pubic bone

Leave the pubes at home

Making this up on the spot

Fuck you know about it

I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it

• Artist:Lil Dicky